Hey, I don't know if you remember me - we played together for a while back in Hobane Hollow way back in the LJ days, when you were playing Mordred?
I just want to say, I get what you're trying to do, and I understand that you may not entirely get why people have been so hostile towards you. Honestly, I didn't get it for a while either, because I didn't have any huge issues with you while we were playing together - you were maybe a bit clingy, but that was all. But I've seen you around now and then since (mostly, I will admit, through Wankgate - checking anoncomms is a bad habit but one I can't seem to shake), and the thing is, I do understand that hostility in light of that.
I don't think you're a bad person or anything, that's not what I'm saying. I also don't think you've done anything with the intention of hurting anybody. But the thing is, everything I've seen has shown that you don't know how to respect people's boundaries. You'll note I said "respect", not "understand", because it's completely reasonable, for all the reasons you've listed, that you might not have understood where people's boundaries were or why. The thing is, though, they've told you. Multiple people have told you, repeatedly and clearly, "please don't drop cannibalism into threads without asking" and "please don't tag people who've asked you not to". People have made their views clear, and you've steamrollered them. That isn't excusable by autism, or depression, or anxiety, even if those are the reasons for it - it's your responsibility to do what you can to avoid overstepping boundaries, and you haven't done that in the past.
I think it's true that you've been treated worse than you deserved. Anoncomms are pretty vitriolic places (which is why I hate that I keep reading them), and some of what they've said to and about you has been well beyond the pale. But, as someone who did used to consider you a friend, I am telling you for your own sake that there is nothing to be gained by trying to get retribution, or make your case, or "fix" things. People will not accept it. I'm sorry, but they won't. You've hurt people, just as they've hurt you, and at this point the only thing you can do that won't cause more hurt on both sides is to cordon off that part of your life and move on. Let it be a shitty thing that happened in the past.
If you want to roleplay, I recommend that you either find a forum for it that's more suited to what you want to play (this may sound strange, but I would suggest F-list, which is much more open to things like cannibalism and violence - it's a sex site but people play non-sex things there too) or find another hobby that fits a similar niche, maybe MMORPGs or fanfic battles. I think it's important that you understand that you will not be accepted back into DWRP with open arms - never mind whether that's right or wrong, it's the way it is. And you need to make peace with that, and with what's happened in general. Easier said than done, I know!
Listen, mate, this is the thing: a lot of us in journal RP are autistic, are lonely, are depressed and aren't necessarily at our best in general. It's a hobby that attracts introverts and, for whatever reason, a lot of mentally-ill people (myself included). Nobody is blaming you for being ill, or at least if they are they are absolute shitnuggets. But being ill doesn't mean you're let off the hook. And, actually, nor does apologising.
Let me rephrase that to be clearer: it is good to apologise. But it's not sufficient. This could be the best apology in the world, and there would still be people who wouldn't want to deal with you and who would be angry with you, and you need to let them. You don't need to let them hurt you, but you need to let them deal with their own hurt in their own way. That doesn't mean you should let them abuse you; just don't invite it, and don't abuse them back. Either walk away (I recommend that) or, if you're determined to find a niche in this specific community, do it with care, and respect people's decision not to want to be around you.
I'm sorry for rambling on like this. Honestly, I've been watching from a distance for a while now and vaguely worrying about you, because this behaviour's clearly hurting you as much as it hurts anyone else. So this is most of a decade's worth of vague concerns squished up together, badly. But hopefully some of what I'm saying makes sense.
The person you're describing - autistic, depressed, bullied, still with a lot of room to grow but desperately trying to be everyone's BFF? Yeah, that was me when I knew you. It describes a lot of us, actually, at least as we were when we got into RP. But we all still have a responsibility to be flexible, to make space for others, and to take care of ourselves. Especially once we're adults.
no subject
I just want to say, I get what you're trying to do, and I understand that you may not entirely get why people have been so hostile towards you. Honestly, I didn't get it for a while either, because I didn't have any huge issues with you while we were playing together - you were maybe a bit clingy, but that was all. But I've seen you around now and then since (mostly, I will admit, through Wankgate - checking anoncomms is a bad habit but one I can't seem to shake), and the thing is, I do understand that hostility in light of that.
I don't think you're a bad person or anything, that's not what I'm saying. I also don't think you've done anything with the intention of hurting anybody. But the thing is, everything I've seen has shown that you don't know how to respect people's boundaries. You'll note I said "respect", not "understand", because it's completely reasonable, for all the reasons you've listed, that you might not have understood where people's boundaries were or why. The thing is, though, they've told you. Multiple people have told you, repeatedly and clearly, "please don't drop cannibalism into threads without asking" and "please don't tag people who've asked you not to". People have made their views clear, and you've steamrollered them. That isn't excusable by autism, or depression, or anxiety, even if those are the reasons for it - it's your responsibility to do what you can to avoid overstepping boundaries, and you haven't done that in the past.
I think it's true that you've been treated worse than you deserved. Anoncomms are pretty vitriolic places (which is why I hate that I keep reading them), and some of what they've said to and about you has been well beyond the pale. But, as someone who did used to consider you a friend, I am telling you for your own sake that there is nothing to be gained by trying to get retribution, or make your case, or "fix" things. People will not accept it. I'm sorry, but they won't. You've hurt people, just as they've hurt you, and at this point the only thing you can do that won't cause more hurt on both sides is to cordon off that part of your life and move on. Let it be a shitty thing that happened in the past.
If you want to roleplay, I recommend that you either find a forum for it that's more suited to what you want to play (this may sound strange, but I would suggest F-list, which is much more open to things like cannibalism and violence - it's a sex site but people play non-sex things there too) or find another hobby that fits a similar niche, maybe MMORPGs or fanfic battles. I think it's important that you understand that you will not be accepted back into DWRP with open arms - never mind whether that's right or wrong, it's the way it is. And you need to make peace with that, and with what's happened in general. Easier said than done, I know!
Listen, mate, this is the thing: a lot of us in journal RP are autistic, are lonely, are depressed and aren't necessarily at our best in general. It's a hobby that attracts introverts and, for whatever reason, a lot of mentally-ill people (myself included). Nobody is blaming you for being ill, or at least if they are they are absolute shitnuggets. But being ill doesn't mean you're let off the hook. And, actually, nor does apologising.
Let me rephrase that to be clearer: it is good to apologise. But it's not sufficient. This could be the best apology in the world, and there would still be people who wouldn't want to deal with you and who would be angry with you, and you need to let them. You don't need to let them hurt you, but you need to let them deal with their own hurt in their own way. That doesn't mean you should let them abuse you; just don't invite it, and don't abuse them back. Either walk away (I recommend that) or, if you're determined to find a niche in this specific community, do it with care, and respect people's decision not to want to be around you.
I'm sorry for rambling on like this. Honestly, I've been watching from a distance for a while now and vaguely worrying about you, because this behaviour's clearly hurting you as much as it hurts anyone else. So this is most of a decade's worth of vague concerns squished up together, badly. But hopefully some of what I'm saying makes sense.
The person you're describing - autistic, depressed, bullied, still with a lot of room to grow but desperately trying to be everyone's BFF? Yeah, that was me when I knew you. It describes a lot of us, actually, at least as we were when we got into RP. But we all still have a responsibility to be flexible, to make space for others, and to take care of ourselves. Especially once we're adults.
Please take care of yourself. I worry about you.
~ Jormy (lookoutofgilead)