Dealing With The Bullies

 So that went amazingly well, actually. I mean sure, I've spent the last ten fucking years keeping my head down online out of an irrational, depression-fueled fear that someone from here would come and GET ME for not being the best fucking roleplayer ever (along with, you know, school bullies and other unpleasant persons), but hey! I apologized to the bastards for not being perfect and I feel safer now. So that's nice.

And for the record? When I gave my therapist a quick summary of the last few days she gave me a hug and told me that everything would be alright, because she knows what all is going on in my life and why I needed it, so you can fuck right off now if my apology wasn't good enough for you.

And I thought I had theory of mind issues . . .

 So apparently there was a post of all the reasons why people were annoyed at me, explained very simply, that nobody ever showed me! Ye fucking gods.

Why you are the bullies

 I have been thinking, and I am going to explain now why things have in fact been out of line here for the past five years at least.

 

I was the little kid who, when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, replied 'dragon.' I was also the victim of American public schooling, which means that my sex ed was a human organ coloring book and a sense of vague shame.

 

I am lucky enough that I was able to convert all of my sexual feelings into my autistic obsessions, and unlucky enough that my obsessions were mythology, monsters and horror stories.

 

The idea that people did ROLEPLAY in FANDOM was probably all that saved my life in high school, when I was constantly on the verge of either committing suicide or going after the school bullies with a knife. I'd read a horror story somewhere called "To Be More Like Them" and the end of it went through my head every day: "She couldn't be more like them, but she could make them more like her."

Which means that when people started to get angry at me, for reasons I truly did not understand at the time, the feelings that had saved me for years became a cage that kept me in my depression for TEN GODDAMN YEARS after the school bullies had all fucked off to God-knows-where.

So yeah, thanks for that. You incredibly stupid and sadistic little fuckers.